Masked Defences
by SophiaL17
Summary: Snape is struggling with himself. He wants to trust and believe Dumbledore, but somehow, he can't seem to complete these tasks.


_Snape is struggling with himself. He wants to trust and believe Dumbledore, but somehow, he can't seem to complete these tasks._

* * *

The Headmaster's office was relatively silent. The two occupants were both engrossed in their own activity; one was reading an aged book, the other was replying some paperworks and letters. The only sounds were the turning of a page or the scratching of a quill.

He turned another page with a small smile and a concentrated face.

_I see..._

The book was describing the reminiscing of an important character, told from the main character's view. His personality, use of words and behaviour were, somehow, strangely familiar to him.

He stopped reading and glanced up. His back erected a little and he frowned down at the slightly worn out pages. The black letters weren't reaching his mind any more.

He turned his head a little and his eyes fell on the writing man a few metres away from him. His dark brown orbs rested on his form and he began to study him: the focused face, the occasionally frowned or raised eyebrows, the tensing and releasing of his shoulders, his left hand moving and touching the letters and scrolls, the elegant movements of his right hand…

_Not only the movements…_

They both had an extremely kind, intelligent and a gentle nature. Every person, no matter how grave their crimes were, would deserve a new chance without a second thought. No one was guilty until proven. Every man, no matter what horrible sins they had committed, was guarded in their presence. He was a safe haven to everyone who needed a secure place. They both had rare gifts, the gifts of genuine kindness, generosity and compassion.

_Even their personality…_

"Severus?" He started a little and raised his eyes to the twinkling orbs. He saw the Headmaster looking at him, over his half-moon glasses, with a small smile. He lowered his gaze to the desk and saw that it was cluttered with even more scrolls and papers than the last time he looked. He grimaced a little and raised his gaze again, but saw that the blue eyes were focusing on the desk below them.

He put the quill away in a stylish holder and lay it on the far right corner. He organized his desk, stood up, and walked to the Potions Master. He chose a seat beside the man and sat down with a soft, relieving sigh.

Snape focused his eyes on the rectangle object and tried to continue his reading, but he saw from his eye corner that Dumbledore was observing the item in his hand.

"What are you reading, my boy?" The Potions Master closed his book and showed the cover to him. He saw him looking at it for a few seconds before asking. "I am not familiar with this particular book. "

Snape smirked and replied in a feigned, shocked and astonished voice. "Could it really be? The _Great_ Dumbledore, feared even by the Dark Lord, not acquainted with this book?"

The Headmaster smiled a little at his reaction and replied with a slight twinkling of his eyes. "Unfortunately, a man's life is too short to read every book." They both smiled at the gentle teasing.

Snape put his book back on his lap and looked at the cover.

"You _have_ made me curious now, Severus. Do you mind telling me what this story is about?" Snape's smile disappeared while he continued to stare down at his knees.

"It's..." He stopped and swallowed for a moment before starting anew. "It's..." He closed his mouth again. The Headmaster saw a fleeting sad look crossing his face. His jovial feelings disappeared instantly and he became a little worried.

"Severus?" Snape turned his face away and inhaled deeply. Dumbledore frowned; he was acting a little queer. He put a hand on his shoulder, but the other didn't respond. That was even more peculiar: Snape _always_ responded to his touches. He squeezed the bony shoulder.

Silence.

He was about to stand up, but his voice stopped him. "You... you will not leave?" The Headmaster furrowed his brows.

"Leave? What do you-" He removed his hand and stared at his visitor.

"No... It's... It's nothing..." He put the book on a nearby table and sat back uncomfortably. He moved his head to Dumbledore's direction and tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace.

"Severus, what is it?" He tried to look in the blue eyes, but he couldn't meet them. He opened his mouth to reply.

"Headmaster, it's-"

"Something is troubling you." Snape bit his lower lip and gazed at the carpet.

Dumbledore sighed. He knew that Snape was a _v__ery _private person, but he had the feeling that they would have, by now, developed a relationship of trust and safety. He felt a little hurt that he was closing himself off again. It had been going very well the last few weeks. He had given him more information about himself and his past. He even breached a very intimate area: his feelings and insecurities.

The Headmaster was surprised when he heard him speaking these personal topics for the very first time. But his astonishment quickly changed into happiness and relieve: Snape had finally reached a point where he was comfortable enough around a person to become open and exposed. He felt a little selfish at that time. He wanted to become that person for him, his safe harbour. That feeling intensified itself every time he spoke, saw or thought to him. He struggled greatly whether he should have given him a few hints. But in the end, it wasn't necessary, for he silently chose him as his confidential person.

He looked back at the raven haired man and saw that he was concentrating intently on him. Snape widened his eyes when their gazes met. He saw such a sombre, yet a strange, pleasant look in his blue eyes; he couldn't help but thinking that he was a possible cause for it. He knew that he was building and erecting his mental shields again, despite his wish to destroy them when he was around the Headmaster. He couldn't do anything about it: his past life and wrong actions had forced him to be on his guard. Always.

But, he had been so kind, understanding and patient with him. Perhaps he could ignore his suspecting nature once again.

Snape took a deep breath. "I apologize for acting... distant. This is a little... difficult for me..." He searched the blue eyes for any trace of anger or disappointment, but he saw none of it. His blue eyes were twinkling slightly and were encouraging him to finish his thoughts.

"This book... the story, the scenes, the main characters... They are all very familiar to me." He glanced again and the twinkling intensified itself. He ignored a series of mental shields and continued.

"A character reminded me of you." The Headmaster raised his eyebrows at the last spoken sentence.

"Oh?" The Potions Master smiled a little while he watched his reaction.

"Yes. You two could be twins." He frowned a little.

"_Almost _everything what he does, says or thinks..." Dumbledore didn't miss the emphasis. He wanted to question him, but decided against it. He listened passively. For now.

"But when the story was nearing its ending, his demeanour and actions towards his most precious person changed abruptly." He stopped for a moment and moved his gaze to the book. A mental guard tried to block him.

"He... he left him when he needed him the most."

His voice wavered. "He turned his back to him and never looked back." He pushed a few mind traps away.

The sadness in his voice was unmistakable now. "He... he used his trust and openness against him."

The voice turned into a whisper. "He... he left..."

A bell tinkled in the back of Dumbledore's mind and the puzzle pieces began to entwine into a clear picture: his staring and covert gazes, his reluctance to confide in him, the emotional distancing, his mental battles and his sad look. He wasn't talking about the book. No, he was referring to Dumbledore and himself.

He stood up and crouched down in front of his upset friend and put a hand on his knee. Widened dark brown eyes stared down at him.

"Severus... what has occurred in that story... will not happen here." The hurt look in his eyes came back. An invisible mental wall tried to push him away.

"You... you don't know that..." His dark brown eyes glistered a little while he whispered and he averted his gaze. A hand touched his cheek to grab his attention. He stared at his eyes again, but he saw that the blue eyes had watered a little.

"I want you to listen to me _very_ carefully." He waited a few seconds before he continued.

"I will not leave you." His mouth opened but he held out a hand. "Hear me out... I will not abandon you, I will not turn my back on you and..." He paused a few seconds to accent the next part.

"I will _never _use you."

His voice turned into a whisper. "You are the most important person that I have come to know."

He halted when he saw that his onyx eyes were not concentrating on him any more. His mind had reached a very strong barrier and he couldn't break it.

He shuffled a little closer and tried to look in his eyes, but he heard a very soft whisper.

"Don't..." Dumbledore's eyes widened again and he almost stopped his stroking his cheek.

"Severus..." He felt another mental wall nearing him.

"Please..._don't_..." His eyes were trying to focus on everything except his knelt form. His mind was captured between the blockages.

An alarm bell went off in the Headmaster's mind and he decided that he should press him now.

"Severus, please... what is the problem?" He saw the inner struggle that his friend was in and he was trying to find a way to help him. He was about to pressure him, but he heard a clanking sound; the grandfather clock had reached a new hour.

The loud sounds woke him up from his strange behaviour and his mind was completely barricaded.

He stood up quickly and almost pushed the Headmaster away. He cleared his throat quickly and straightened his robe.

"It's quite late, I think I shall retire for today." He didn't wait for a response and walked to the exit. He turned around before he opened the door and looked at the unmoved figure crouched by the sofa.

He felt a deep pain in his heart and his eyes began to prickle a little. A small, hidden part of him wanted to escape and control his mouth to shout all his thoughts and feelings. But another part, a stronger, more familiar part, defended his mind and held him successfully back.

He felt a lone tear trickling down his right cheek and he quickly brought his right hand to his face to intercept it. He stared at the slightly wet spot on his hand and felt a very foreign sensation in his chest. He swallowed and looked at Dumbledore again, but he remained still. He clenched his left hand and wiped his right hand on his clothing. He turned around swiftly when he felt another tear, this one coming out from his left eye. He promptly opened the door and closed it silently behind him.

But, if he stayed for a few more seconds, he would have seen that the crouching figure was weeping silently for him.

_

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The ending of this story went a little different than I've originally planned, but I hope that you liked it, nonetheless. Don't forget to review or comment!


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